Do you get upset about being upset? Do you feel: guilty about
getting angry at a loved one, anxious about being embarrassed
in front of an audience, depressed about experiencing
ever-increasing panic attacks or having life-long depression?
If so, you have experienced secondary disturbance.
Getting upset (the secondary disturbance) about initially having
been upset (the primary disturbance) tends to be both pervasive
and elusive. The primary disturbance occurs (or is anticipated to
occur) first, then comes secondary disturbance, since
chronologically it occurs second.
Therapists may fail to recognize this secondary disturbance in
their clients since it's not anchored in a concrete, external event.
In fact, Sigmund Freud mislabeled it as "free-floating." It is,
rather, directly tied to irrational thinking.
Use this rule of thumb to nail it: when feeling anxious, depressed,
or guilty, ask yourself: am I depressed about my emotion (e.g.,
anxiety, depression, anger) or about an external situation (e.g.,
rejection, failure, hassles)? If it's the former, then you probably
have a secondary disturbance.
Here's a client's comprehensive Three Minute Exercise (TME). As a
result of writing these two or three times a day, he ultimately
beat his secondary disturbance blues:
A. I'm feeling depressed and lethargic again about nothing in
particular and everything in general.
B. I absolutely MUST not feel depressed and lethargic so much of
the time.
C. Even more depressed and lethargic.
D. What is the evidence I absolutely MUST not feel this way so
often?
E. There's no evidence to support my demand. Although I keenly
PREFER not to feel so miserable, nothing etched in stone states I
MUST not. Since I was born with imperfect genes and an imperfect
brain, and I was raised by fallible parents, of course, of course,
I'll feel depressed at times.
So I'm depressed--too damned bad! It is unpleasant, but hardly the
end of the universe. Though I don't like it, it hasn't killed me so I
obviously can stand it. I can still enjoy life somewhat feeling
depressed, although I'd enjoy it more if I were happy all the time.
It may slow me down, but it can't stop me from working toward my
goals--as long as I'm determined to keep pushing myself no matter
how difficult it seems.
If I'm depressed, I'm depressed--whining and complaining about my
depressed state certainly won't help. There's no reason the universe
must protect me from the pain of depression. I've been depressed
before and I've gotten through it, and I will again. My depression
waxes and wanes as do all emotions.
To have the benefits and pleasures of living it's necessary to have
the displeasures, including depression. Why not use this situation
therapeutically as a golden opportunity to practice viewing my
depression realistically as just a great hassle, never a horror? I'll
keep pushing, and keep reminding myself to keep pushing!
F. Concerned, not depressed about my depression and
lethargy. Pushing myself to get active.
RULE OF THUMB: the more you write at "E" about why your "must" is false
or self-defeating, the more effective your TME will be. Try one now!