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To email questions to Dr. Edelstein: Questions@ThreeMinuteTherapy.com

DEAR DR. MIKE:

I've made the decision to be very straight with the people I date that I want to get married again somewhere down the line. This seems to make the men I'm seeing very uncomfortable and some of the ones in whom I have the greatest interest, leave abruptly. Should I keep my mouth shut about it until I spend more time with them, or are all these beautiful men that vapid?

--VERY STRAIGHT
DEAR VERY STRAIGHT:

Since 99% of the women in your situation also “want to get married again somewhere down the line,” this will not be news to the man, so there's no need to make an announcement very early in the relationship. Doing so may make you seem desperate, and this is usually perceived as a turn-off. Your man is not necessarily “vapid” because he wishes to avoid a desperate woman. However, your resolve to be straight is admirable, so if queried do tell (most of) the truth.

The real dilemma, however, is not when to tell him that you want to get married but rather, when to ask him if he does. The most appropriate time strikes a balance between not too early and not too late in the relationship. Of course there is no perfect time to ask, although on the fifth date over dinner, just before dessert may work. Then if he leaves abruptly, this is actually good since you get to eat two desserts.

If, on the other hand, he says that he shares your marriage goal, steadily push for greater commitment. This would determine whether he actually means what he says, and would move things right along to the wedding day. It would also afford the opportunity to address before marriage, problems that may come with greater intimacy and commitment. Marriage will bring many of its own challenges, but now you'll be prepared!